One drop...one crumb
One too many
She ruminated over and over again in her mind
Over what she could have
And what she wished she could indulge in
But, that all now seemed so foreign to her
She could imagine the taste
She could dwell on it as she felt her taste buds arising
Yet , she felt blocked from it all
There was simply no need to feel or touch it
Or what else could it be?!
The thoughts pondered over and over on her mind
Replaying different scenarios on what else could be done, and what other possible damage could possibly come to pass
Time felt like an impatient bomb, but what if things got too late? And, was that even a possibility anymore?
She was very intellectual, she had done her researched and watched all of the seminars that could educate her further on this matter, yet the temptation only grew over time
She thought her reality and the things within it would get better, and in some instances they definitely did
But, her low moments would come flushing through in extreme floods, and she struggled to stay float in her mind and soul, with fear and anxiety constantly eating away at the battered boats on the sidelines
- Sitting on a wooden bench, she flipped slowly but very thoughtfully through an old newspaper -
The following thought, appeared back in her mind:
'How was the outside world supposed to know or even understand, what I can't put into words?'
And even if she attempted to, the thought of being met with even the smallest inch of self pity would cause a cloud of nausea to come over her
The days, in her hidden reality, continued to drag on but they also went extremely quickly. However, she began slowly adapting to a new reality, as she continued to gain exposure to it as time went on...
"Change is good, sometimes it's necessary" - she repeated to herself, flipping through the second to last page of the newspaper -
But, somehow in those fleeting moments, the crumbs, the grams and the counting knocked and shook her head from side to side
Reminding her of the forbidden, that she was supposed to make amends with and incorporate back into her life
Though, she tried her best to remain positive and instead see the small steps that she was taking as a long journey ahead
One that she would have to strive up hills and mountains for...
Yet, at least she would remain there.